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May 4, 1969: A baby is born in Atlantic City, NJ. His mother, 15 years old, gives him up for adoption. He's adopted by the Walkers and named Robert Bret Walker.1974: Bret starts Kindergarten at the Pitman Elementary Wing, Pitman, NJ. His teacher is a hippie with a big afro.
1975: Bret's parents buy him a big dorky Wurlitzer organ, the kind with two rows of keys and a tape deck, complete with Bossa Nova beats. He begins lessons with Sue Lanning.
1976: Bret blows off one of his organ lessons to gut a washing machine that was sitting on the curb. His mother is not pleased at paying Miss Lanning for an hour of sitting on the couch.
Bret takes his birthday money that year and buys Boston and Steve Miller Band's Fly Like an Eagle. A degenerate at seven.
1977: Bret's great-aunt Edith, who once was nearly deported for passing out Bibles on the Great Wall of China, buys Bret Kiss Alive II because she didn't know what it was about, even though he asked for it. It's the last album she ever buys him.
1978: Bret switches from organ to piano because it's cooler. His parents buy a hundred-year-old upright grand for $75, then inexplicably paint it avocado yellow. Hey, it was the 70's!
1982: Bret starts taking guitar lessons from an opera singer. Not sure what the connection is there...
1983: Bret starts high school at Pitman High, plays drums in the high school marching band. Learns from a guy called Howard Lex who looks more like Larry Fine.1984: Bret discovers Rush, and their supernatural drummer Neil Peart. Bret's parents buy themselves a lot of aspirin.
1985: Bret buys a "real" drumset, a beautiful cherry-wine Tama Superstar set (not unlike Neil Peart's). He discovers a movie called Repo Man and buys the soundtrack. His parents ditch the Tylenol® and go strait for the morphine (just kidding!)
That year, Bret hooks up with a guitarist named Chris Kohl, and together they form Menagerie.
1986: Bret makes All-South Jersey chorus, and also All-State chorus. No, really. He also plays in the Glassboro State College Youth Orchestra and ditches one of the rehearsals to see a free concert with three bands: Beru Revue (a punk band from Philly), Run DMC, and The Hooters.
That summer, Menagerie (with the addition of bassist David Hess) plays their first and only concert at a campground in the Jersey Shore area. They split $100 - with two other bands. Later on, Menagerie breaks up.
Toward the end of that Summer, Bret takes a job with a bar band called Firefox. Now, he's only 17, but they guy who got him the job told the other band members he was 20, so they told the bar owners he was 22. Which was fine with Bret, since they played a lot of strip clubs. Mostly top forty bullshit, but Bret was getting to see titties, so he wasn't excercising his integrity much. Later they found out he was 17 and kicked him out, which was just as well since the late-night club scene was interfering with his senior year of High School.
1987: Bret makes All-South Jersey chorus again (why are you laughing?) and also the John Philip Sousa National High School Honors Band (which looks really impressive on a College resume, let me tell you). He auditions for eight schools and is accepted to seven of them (Only Rice University, which had only one percussionist opening that year, turned him down) and chooses to go to Ithaca College in New York State.
One month into the semester, Bret drops out and goes home, finding a job at Sam Goody at the Deptford Mall. Three albums that year: Metallica's Garage Days Re-revisited, DRI's Crossover, and Rush's Hold Your Fire (Bret's least favorite Rush album) make a big impact in his life.
Spring 1988: Bret meets a guy named David Mitchell at Rutgers University Camden (NJ). The two of them are separated in Calculus class for passing notes back and forth.Fall 1988: Bret transfers to Rutgers in New Brunswick, NJ, to the Mason Gross School of the Arts. He aces his music classes and fails everything else, probably because he never showed up.
Spring, 1989: Bret once again aces his music courses and fails everything else. Too bad everything else carries more importance in the first few years of college: Rutgers University expells him for his grades. He takes a summer job at the factory where his father works, and forgets to tell his parents that he no longer goes to school.
Fall 1989: Bret enrolls at Middlesex County College. This time he aces English Composition and fails everything else. He's expelled from Middlesex.
October 1989: Bret breaks up with his longtime girlfriend from high school.
December 1989: Bret buys a Peavey Patriot guitar and Peavey Rage amplifier for $250.00 from The Music Museum in Pitman, NJ. He uses money he was going to spend on his girlfriend for Christmas.
Also in December, he gets his first professional tattoo on his left shoulder to cover a girl’s name (not the same girl).
January 1990: Bret writes his first two songs, My Own Way (lost lyrics and music) and an instrumental, later to be known as Lasher.
February 1990: Bret's father gives him an ultimatim to clean up his act, join the army or something.
November 1990: Bret marries his ex-girlfriend and moves to Louisiana, taking his guitar with him. She's not bitter about the guitar or the Christmas presents from 1989.
May 1991: Bret’s unit, the 539th HEMCo (Heavy Equipment Maintenance Company), is mobilized to Saudi Arabia to clean up after Desert Storm. That's clean up after Desert Storm.
July 1991: Bret’s first child, Katie, is born by emergency C-section and Bret is flown home. Bret's wife rejects the idea of calling her "Plane Ticket Home Walker"
September 1991: Bret flies back to Saudi Arabia and moves to Kuwait City. Not as hot as the desert, being on the coast it's humid as a bitch and Bret writes angry poetry the whole time.
December 1991: Bret flies home to Louisiana where he is reunited with his guitar. Oh, and his family.
June 1992: Bret is Honorably Discharged from the Army and moves back to New Jersey.
October 1993: Bret meets his birth mother and discovers his birth name, George Babick. He's glad he was adopted by the Walkers and called Bret instead of George.
January 1994: George, I mean, Bret and his family move to Sussex, NJ, to be closer to his birth family.
October 1994: Bret and his wife separate. His son goes to live with his adopted mother, and his daughter goes to live with his soon-to-be ex wife. Bret, however, gets custody of the guitar and goes to live with his birth-Grandparents.
October 1994-December 1995: Bret takes a job in a pharmaceutical factory and enrolls in Dover Business College (Dover, NJ) in the Network Engineering course. During the early period of his separation he writes several songs, in more or less the following order:
February 1996: Bret and his sister activate an online account with MSN, using the names of their two favorite bands as their shared user name: Green_Day_REM. Susan makes friends with a girl named Erin in Tacoma, WA. Bret adapts another song, Still Rock and Roll to Me by Billy Joel.
May 1996: Susan moves to California and it is discovered that both Bret and Susan can’t use the Green_Day_REM ID simultaneously, so Bret creates a new ID, pc_shark. Susan introduces Bret to Erin, and they quickly become very good friends, even though they are three thousand miles away from each other...
Summer 1996: The blockbuster film, Broken Arrow, is released in theaters. One of the characters in the film is a computer geek named Max, who was a former Navy Seal (played by Shaun Toub). The name Max the Dork is born.
August-September 1996: Bret flies out to Tacoma to meet Erin, and asks her to marry him while they are hiking on Mt. Rainier, even though he’s still married, and the divorce is still almost two years off.
November 1996: Erin flies out to "visit" Bret for six weeks.
January 1997: Erin flies out to live with Bret. Katie comes to live with him as well. That makes four adults and two children living in a three-bedroom rancher with ONE BATHROOM. The males are outnumbered 2-1.
August 1997: None too early, Bret, Erin and Katie move into an apartment in downtown Pitman. It shares a wall with the Broadway theater. The males are still outnumbered 2-1.
March 1998: Bret’s divorce is final. He starts writing music again, but with no lyrics.
July 1998: Bret and Erin get married at the Methodist Church in Pitman. Sue Lanning, who is now Sue Crispin (mother of Joe and Jon Crispin) plays the organ at the ceremony. Bret's son Robbie tries to take over for his dad and marry Erin himself. His plan twarted, Bret and Erin are successfully married.
November 1998: Bret gets a job as a Network Engineer in Cherry Hill and begins a daily commute that takes him through the Route 55-Route 42-Route 295 bottleneck.
December 1998: Bret sings Karaoke to three songs at his company Christmas dinner: Kodachrome, Roxanne, and Should I Stay or Should I Go. He would have been a hit had it not been for payroll speciallist John Patterson and his stunning rendition of "Blue Christmas." Bret shelves the idea of performing in public
Spring 1999: Bret travels the country installing systems for Campbell’s Soup and IBM. That's not pertinent to the story as far as the music is concerned, but the traveling was fun. Plus he got to see how they make Goldfish™.
Summer-Winter 1999: Bret stays home and the guitar is forgotten in the closet.
December 1999: Bret performs Karaoke at the company Christmas party again, this time performing only one song: Old Time Rock and Roll. He and his family fly to Tacoma to greet Y2K with Erin’s family.
2000/2001: Inspired by his visit to Tacoma and Seattle, Bret writes some more music. He writes several instrumentals, some of which he writes words for later on.
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| Gig card, side 1 | Gig card, side 2 |
March 2, 2001: Max the Dork makes it's next Open Mike appearance at the Orient Espresso. He's warmly received by all and booked again for the following weekend.
March 9, 2001: Max the Dork repeats its Feb 9 performance, but this time to a less-than-sold-out crowd. No headwalking or stage dives at this one.
Spring 2001: Bret advertises in the Music Museum for a Bass Guitarist with the following advertisement pinned to the cork board:
| Punk Rock Rulz! Do you like the Sex Pistols, Green Day, and … the Mamas and the Papas? I’m looking for a bass player to accompany me two nights a month at the Orient Espresso. Pay is free coffee for the night. What have you got to lose, except two nights a month?
Max the Dork |
May 2001: Bret starts a new job at the FAA Technical Center in Atlantic City, NJ. So close to his birthplace...
June 2001: Bret and Erin buy a house in Pitman, near Alcyon Lake. Bret moves his computer and guitar into the attic/office.
Summer 2001: Max the Dork (complete with drummer) continues to practice in the Attic studio, much to the chagrin of the 90-year-old neighbors.
Thanksgiving 2001: Bret, with four days off to do nothing, downloads a multi-track digital recording studio called Cakewalk Sonar (Demo edition) and begins to play around with it.
December 2, 2001: The final song for "I Feel Like Shit" is recorded and mixed.
December 3, 2001: Max the Dork Online is born.
December 9, 2001: Recording begins on the followup album, "No Thanks, I'm Driving." This album is originally slated for a February 2002 release, and contains 14 songs. Eight of these were written in the initial separation period, and the other six were written since 1999, including three written in the last month.
December 20, 2001: Max the Dork's debut album, I Feel Like Shit, is released. Sales go through the roof and peak at three. Plans for a followup tour are shelved until the completion of the second album.
January 6, 2002: Due to poor bandwith with Geocities and the fact that Geocities shut down the Max the Dork Online site no less than three times, the site is moved to its new home, maxthedork.com.
February 7, 2002: The Max the Dork Bulletin Board is launched.
February 19, 2002: After scrapping and re-recording the songs three times, deciding to remove some songs and then inevitably putting them back on, and following the demise of The Punisher (the original Peavey Patriot that Bret bought in 1989), the recording session for the second album, No Thanks, I'm Driving, is finally completed.
March 2, 2002: Max the Dork's radio debut. Max Keke the DJ (no relation) at KPSU Portland State University played California Dreaming off of the upcoming No Thanks, I'm Driving CD. Bret then called in and was interviewed on the air. All this transpired between the hours of 3 and 5 AM, which means that everyone in the South Jersey area probably missed it.
April 1, 2002: Max the Dork's second album, No Thanks, I'm Driving, is released amid much fanfare and anticipation. Because of the twofer deal with I Feel Like Shit, sales go to 3 while IFLS sales increase to 5.
April 4, 2002: Max the Dork makes its radio debut on the Thursday Night WGLS radio show, Locals Only hosted by Jack (the Ripper) and Kevin (W.K.). Of all the local bands played on the station that night, only Max the Dork is played twice. w00t!
April 8, 2002: James Marshall of Burlington, NJ, brings Max to life as the mascot for MtD is born. The image of Max, made to be equated with the group much like Iron Maiden's "Eddy" or Anthrax's "Not man," is soon plastered everywhere Bret can think of, including the inner tray art for the NTID cd, wallpaper, and several places all over the website.
April 16, 2002: At the suggestion of Lost (one of the Max Forum members), The Dork Brigade becomes the official Max the Dork street team, with it's first online meeting scheduled for April 21 in the Max Chat room.
May 4, 2002: Bret celebrates his 33
May 10, 2002: Bret joins the Pitman-based Goth-Metal band Fuck Souls, fronted by guitarist Joe Alam. Bret rounds out the rhythm section with Jason Gray on bass. Although it's been ten years since Bret has played the drums, he picks it up again like he never missed a day. However, his hands know very well that he has missed the last ten years...
May 17, 2002: Bret finds out two pieces of inspiring news from Jack and Kevin at WGLS Locals Only. First, he finds that his CD is wildly popular at the station. In fact, it's so popular, that someone stole it. Bret makes arrangements to get a replacement to Jack and Kevin as quickly as possible.
The second piece of interesting news is that Max the Dork is being entered into the "Locals Only Local Loco Bracket," a competition that pits 64 local bands against one another, two at a time, and then eliminates them one at a time through votes, until only one band remains. Max the Dork begins as one of the initial 64 bands, and hopes to at least make it to the second round, but then again, just being invited to the tournament is a big deal also.
May 30, 2002: Max the Dork wins its first-round bout with local band Red Engine by a margin of 7 votes to 1. Excitement abounds in the MtD camp. The Dork Brigade are congratulated on a job very well done.
June 1, 2002: Fuck Souls play their first gig at Full Circle Records in Blackwood, NJ. They play a tight set of 12 songs, including 4 by MtD: Billy Boy, God's Gift to Women (due out with the upcoming Crapital Punishment CD), Condemn Nation, and the ever popular cover of the Beatles' I Saw Her Standing There. The show goes extremely well, even though the fan turnout is light. Bret decides to book a gig at Full Circle for Max the Dork.
June 6, 2002: Fuck Souls make an in-studio appearance at WGLS Locals Only and play a few songs acoustically. The first round of the Local Loco Bracket is wrapped up and round two is slated to begin on June 13.
June 8, 2002: Fuck Souls play their second live gig at a house party for Joe's cousin Megan, who had recently returned from a year in Europe. Joe had written a song called "Welcome Megan" which the band played for her. All in all it was a very cool show, and there were more in attendance than at the Full Circle show.
June 11, 2002: Bret unveils The Pitman Music Scene, an MP3.com-based radio station that showcases bands specifically based in Pitman. Although he originally makes available every single song by every band, he later cuts it down to one song each that he rotates on a regular schedule.
June 20, 2002: Max the Dork goes up against Sound Rules in the second round of the Local Loco Bracket... and wins!!! On to round three which begins June 27. The third round promises to be much tougher, considering MtD is going up against Glassboro-based prog-rock band Bezerker's Happy Hour, which also happens to be one of Bret's favorite bands. Mixed feelings aside, he resolves to vote for himself in the upcoming third round.
June 27, 2002: Max the Dork moves onto the fourth round of the Local Loco Bracket by defeating Berzerker's Happy Hour, 17 votes to 2.
July 12, 2002: Max the Dork is knocked out of the Local Loco Bracket in an 18-15 defeat by Careless Destruction Despite the loss, the MtD camp is pretty upbeat (after a few weeks of major depression) about the fact that we made it as far as we did. We were, after all, one of the Elite Eight, the top 8 bands in the local scene. That's not a bad achievement for a band that was relatively unknown less than a year ago.
August 2002
Bret quits the Mined Weavers immediately after their August 2nd show at Brenner's Brew, due to certain circumstances that won't be discussed fully here. However, if you email me, I'd be happy to give you the full scoop.
Hammerhead is fired as the drummer. Bret buys a set of drums and becomes the drummer, as if he's not already wearing enough hats for the band. Let's see, guitarist, vocalist, bassist, backup vocalist, producer, recording engineer... Yeah, OK, drummer too (-:
Also, Bret joins another band as its drummer. The band is made up of Jack Swiker and Kevin Fischer of WGLS Locals Only fame, and is called Rusty Sweater At their first rehearsal, they write three songs, including a love ballad dedicated to Vin Diesel.
September 2002
On the 13th, Max the Dork performs live for the first time since May 4, 2001. Other bands on the bill include Max Jones (no relation) and Syphin. The Syphin fans take a liking to Max the Dork, and there's a decent contingent of the Dork Brigade present as well. Payment for the show: $20. MtD's first paying gig. Yay!
Max the Dork appears live on the WGLS Locals Only broadcast on September 19th, and debuts some of the new music with the new drummer. The interview was not so much an interview as it was a conversation with the DJs (Jack and Kevin), because after all, by now we're all just buds. People listening in on the Internet are impressed with the caliber of the interview and the overall show.
October 2002
The Max the Dork library is made available on Cassette tape from 401 Records.
With the addition of Japanese jazz artist Metamorphosis-One, 401 Records can now lay claim to TEN artists worldwide.
The new Max the Dork logo is unveiled on October 10.
Bret meets Value & Quality for the first time at MtD's October 19th show at Full Circle Records. The two bands hit it off and Bret starts planning for another combined show.
After the October 25th show at Brenner's Brew, Bret is approached by drummer Justin Kerr, who expresses an interest in drumming for Max the Dork. At a rehearsal the following day, it's decided that Justin would become a permanent fixture with MtD. Also, Bret books two more shows for MtD at the Brew; one on November 15th with Syphin, and one on December 20th with both Syphin and Value & Quality.
Bret appears on the Rowan University television show, Up All Night With Kurt Magnum, on October 29th, as Max the Dork performs for the last time as a solo act. Justin Kerr brings on bassist Matt Leidike.
November 2002
November 15th marks the first broadcast of a Max the Dork rehearsal by webcam. It soon becomes a regular event.
On November 17th, Max the Dork performs for the first time ever as a band. The band lineup for that show was: Matt Leidike - Bass, Justin "Hitman Tony" Kerr - Drums, and Bret Walker - Guitar and Vocals.
December, 2002
On lucky Friday the 13th, Matt Leidike leaves the band to pursue other interests. Justin Parker replaces him on bass with just a week to go before their December 20th show.
December 20th, Max the Dork performs live at Brenner's Brew with their new lineup. It's a very high-energy performance with Bret wandering all around the coffeehouse, Justin crunching bass riffs with primitive ferocity, and Tony laying waste to all with his drum solo in the middle of Got Lucky. All in all, the crowd is highly impressed with the show, and so is the band.
December 26 - During their last broadcast of the year, Locals Only lists their top 15 bands of 2002. Max the Dork is named number one, sharing the top spot with Divers Lust.
January 2003
January 29th: Max the Dork apears as a band for the first time in the WGLS studios, performing two acoustic songs (Lockstep and Loner) for the Locals Only show. They also record a station promo for the Locals Only show. (Audio from this radio show can be found on our Downloads Page)
February 2003
February 2: Max the Dork headlines the 401 Records-sponsored show, The Groundhog Day of Destruction, at the Turnersville VFW. The show, which began at 1:00 PM and ended at 8:00 PM, featured eight local bands, including 401 Records artists and and Rusty Sweater.
February 9: Max the Dork's first show in North Jersey, as they perform at The Cove in Roselle, NJ. Even though no one came to see them specifically, the crowd was really won over by the band. There was even some dry-humping going on during a performance of "Nocturnal Emissions," much to the band's delight.
February 23: Max the Dork takes fifth place (out of five bands) at the Jerseyshows.com annual Battle of the Bands, at The Saint in Asbury Park, NJ. Although at the time, the band was a little disheartened by the loss, they later accepted the defeat and proudly proclaimed their 5th Place as a badge of honor.
February 28: Max the Dork performs the fifth show in February, at Brenner's Brew in Bridgeton. It's the most shows they'd ever performed in a single month.
March 2003
March 21: Max the Dork plays to a packed house at Brenner's Brew - over a hundred kids fill the Brew, mostly to see Blindspot Records artists Spenser, but still, a hundred kids is a hundred kids. It was a great show, with lots of energy.
May 2003
May 3: Justin 'Hitman Tony' Kerr leaves the band to pursue other musical interests.
May 4: Bret turns 34 to much fanfare. (*yay*)
June 2003
June 22: Bret and Justin go into the studio with a new recording engineer, Chris Schenk, to record what they thought was a demo. The demo included four songs: Billy Boy, Lockstep, Bonehead, and Loner.
June 26: Chris hands Bret the mastered version of the "demo," and 401 Records releases it as the Duets EP.
July 2003
July 12: Max the Dork (drummerless, using a CD of drum tracks that Bret played and Chris Schenk recorded) performs for the first time outside of New Jersey, at the Lockstock Music Festival in Lock Haven, PA. The festival atmosphere boost the band's spirits despite the lack of a physical drummer.
July 18: Max the Dork performs, again without a drummer, at Brenner's Brew. Because of the crowd's reaction to the drummer situation, they decide to continue booking shows and performing with the CD acompaniment.